Discovering Joy
Life after Grief
Letting go of grief is a personal journey supported by what you have been through. Releasing grief does not mean forgetting your pain. It involves allowing oneself to experience and honor loss, while gradually making space for hope. Recovery is a progressive process, characterized by self-compassion, communal support, and a willingness to embrace new experiences. Through such efforts, the reemergence of joy is made possible over time.
In Linda Douty’s book, How Can I Let Go if I Don’t Know I’m Holding On?, she references how closing a gap opens another. Sometimes we must let go just to move on. I’m sharing some ways that you might already be letting go of grief without even realizing that you have. It is a goal for moving toward your life in a meaningful way.
“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” Deborah Reber
Signs of progress for letting go of grief.
· Expressing emotions through actions-writing, painting, gardening, exercise
It’s healthy to show a range of emotions, including joy and laughter.
· Changing your self-talk
Replace negative thoughts with words of affirmation. Changing I can’t to I can.
Look for the positive side of things.
· Doing something new
Learn a new skill, travel to a new place, join a new group. Take a risk.
· Setting new personal goals.
Start small, this week, this month, and work up to a year, or five years. Write them down and working towards them keeps you moving forward.
· Less worry
As grief begins to ease its grip, the constant undercurrent of anxiety starts to dissipate. The mind slowly releases the habit of expecting new losses or setbacks, allowing more space for calm and presence in everyday life.
· Less guilt
Progress often reveals itself in the softening of guilt—whether related to surviving, moving forward, or moments of happiness. Self-forgiveness takes root, and the burden of “what ifs” and “should haves” grows lighter.
· Less judgement
Letting go of grief often leads to a kinder, less critical perspective—toward oneself and others. There is a growing understanding that everyone’s journey through sorrow is unique, and that compassion, not criticism, paves the way for healing.
· Less ego-centeredness
As pain subsides, personal suffering no longer dominates every thought. This shift allows space to notice others’ experiences, with empathy and reconnecting with the world beyond one’s own grief.
Take the hands off the wheel and let “more” take over in your daily life.
· More appreciation of beauty
The ability to recognize and savor beauty—in a sunset, in music, in small acts of kindness—returns. Life begins to look less monochrome, and moments of joy or wonder are welcomed, however fleeting they may be.
· More comfort
Comfort, both looked for and offered to others, becomes easier to find. Ordinary activities, sharing a meal, a walk in the park—start to feel soothing rather than burdensome, and solace is found in connection.
· More patience
With healing, the urgency to fix, control, or rush through different experiences starts to fade. The mind has space for calm and presence in everyday life.
More simplicity
In an era defined by rapid change and constant activity, embracing simplicity stands for slowing down and changing pace. Simplicity gives focus on the small things in life that often are overlooked.
More creativity
To foster creativity is to welcome the potential for innovation and fresh perspectives. A new hobby of art, painting, needlework, quilting, or writing can be a new pastime.
More gratitude
Acknowledgement of simple gifts —sunrise, a courteous remark, or a genuine smile—promotes resilience and strengthens the sense of community and belonging.
More listening to others
Effective listening is far more than the mere reception of words. It requires genuine presence and attentiveness, showing respect and understanding. Skillful listening fosters meaningful relationships and encourages mutual growth.
More kindness
Kindness can be manifested through gestures large and small. A helpful act, a considerate phone call, a card to a sick friend, or shared laughter does not take your time, but helps others feel your care. Kindness enriches lives and generates enduring warmth.
More compassion
Compassion involves seeing suffering and responding with empathy and support. It is the inclination to acknowledge pain, whether one’s own or another’s, and to respond without judgment or avoidance.
More trust
Trust is both delicate and vital. It requires honesty, reliability, and a willingness to be vulnerable. With trust in place, relationships become deeper and more secure, contributing to a more supportive environment.
More freedom to be yourself
Authentic freedom is achieved when expectations are set aside in favor of genuine self-expression. This encompasses living sincerely, respecting one’s personal journey, and allowing others to do likewise.
More joy
Joy is cultivated through engagement with life, appreciation of everyday beauty, and celebration of human connection. It’s the emotion of intense happiness and associated with deep contentment and satisfaction with life.
If any of these signs of progress or “more” activities ring true in your life, then you are on your way with grief in the rear window.
Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10
Keep striving for self improvement.
Keep striving for joy.
It is up to you to reach your goals.
They are all within your reach.
Are you moving out of grief toward your goals?
I hope you look for the many ways to experience joy in your life.
Invite Friends
Love this. Thank you for sharing and reminding us that there can be joy beyond the grief.
Pam, thank you for this wonderful article, with specific tasks that lead to healing. I remember doing several of these and not feeling much change, but accumulated, they led to a breakthrough one day when I experienced the joy of seeing fireflies for the first time. In the midst of grief, it can be difficult work, but ultimately rewarding.